Human aspiration to uniformity

Human aspiration to uniformity, and its need for belonging, cannot be simply categorized by saying “Humans need a place to belong”; nor can it be clarified as a “morality instinct to be part of the herd,” even if that is true to some extent. The real motive for human uniformity is purely influenced by sexual drive and the desire to have the same in order to “get liked by women” or “get liked by men.” This creates a state in which something is considered more attractive. Differences in liking still persist, but one thing is always more likable than another, and proportionally more likable things become described as more attractive: “This beard is attractive on a man.” Then, because of this clarification, tomorrow on the subway every man have the same beard, not because they like that beard, but because they believe having it will make them more attractive to women, so they will get “sex.” When one thing reaches its maximum, novelty becomes more attractive, and the switch happens. This loop continues, which can explain the return of old fashions.

So I’m afraid: you may not like the iPhone, but you like the idea of the status it brings. In the same way, you may not like a luxury car, but it brings status, and you don’t do it because of status itself, you do it to get sex. Unfortunately, a luxury car seems unlikely to reach its maximum novelty, but the iPhone seems like everyone has it now.

This opinion of mine is not intended to counter Nietzsche:
“Morality in man is the herd-instinct in the individual. The individual becomes moral when he obeys the values of the herd, when he conforms to the rules and customs that the majority imposes. Those who are strong, independent, or creative often transgress these rules, because their instincts are their own rather than the herd’s.”

I simply want to highlight the importance of sex in all of this. I would like to hear your opinions.

Thank You Professor.

Richard Feynman in the classroom.

From my early teen years, I was a very curious child, and of course physics or chemistry were very interesting for me. I would spend hours playing with two magnets and trying to understand why they act the way they do. I would have very creative and innovative ideas about how these magnets could be used, and my brother used to joke when we speak today, “You see, they invented the levitating train like you were saying — they stole our idea!”

But unfortunately, going to school demolished my curiosity. Teachers with low-paid jobs, who do it but don’t like it, had to teach what someone else said, following a system that failed to provide what the school system should provide: critical thinking, curiosity, and play while learning. This is even more evident today.

In my teenage years, I would be more in the schoolyard than in the classroom, and surely, when hormones peak, it is very difficult to interest such a monster like I was to sit, listen, and watch what the professor is doing — and not look over his shoulder in search of a girl or be lost in imagination with some similar fantasies which involve girls.

Sometimes I think my non-learning in the years when I needed to learn cursed me, so I stay always with a book and am never able to stop learning. Every day, learning became part salvation and part lifelong journey which never finishes. This revelation about the curse, or my inner joke, came to me when I found myself again going to school in Italy for photography.

In this journey, one of my professors from whom I would learn could be found in the book Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman! — and hours of his lectures online would again spark my curiosity and teach me such wonderful stuff.

And maybe it was not his Feynman technique which helped me the most, but his way of explaining and making interesting topics, which if read just like theories would be annoying and make learning much harder.

His book gives very clear ideas of how he was as a person, how much alive he was working on top secret projects, like the Los Alamos and lockpicking safes, which could possibly get him in trouble, but he was playing, watching life like play.

This is a blog post to say thank you to him and publish the letter he wrote to his wife.

Thank you, professor Feynman.

October 17, 1946

D’Arline,

I adore you, sweetheart.

I know how much you like to hear that — but I don’t only write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.

It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you’ll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing.

But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.

I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector. Can’t I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the “idea-woman” and general instigator of all our wild adventures.

When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn’t have worried. Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.

I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don’t want to be in my way. I’ll bet you are surprised that I don’t even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after two years. But you can’t help it, darling, nor can I — I don’t understand it, for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I don’t want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

My darling wife, I do adore you.

I love my wife. My wife is dead.

Rich.

PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don’t know your new address.

Shadow

Exploring consciousness becomes a very important part of my day, but never an obsession. I will try to understand messages behind every possible contact from which consciousness speaks. My paintings will give me wonderful insight into my inner state, and Jungian interpretation will act like a translator in this process. Sometimes chaotic painting will emerge, and sometimes clean and precise — it will be easy to distinguish style, but the way in which painting speaks will change, and this changing will happen in intervals. There will be a lot of paintings in one speaking voice, then it will become another, stay consistent for one period, then come back to the old one. This particular one was chaotic.

Snake Hiding Behind Purple Shadow

I would like just to mention one small thing in this painting: the line in the middle, which goes till the circle (circle which in Jungian terms means self), is colored with green but in a way which resembles snake skin (can be interpreted like shadow integration into self). Purple, which is present in the painting but not easily noticeable without mentioning it or pointing at it.

But full analysis of this painting I will leave to other people. I, for myself, understand it enough, but to get to the bottom of this painting you can't do it without one more message, which I got — and this one came in the form of a dream in the night this painting was born (May 16, 2025).

Dream:

I’m asleep in dream, and it’s as if I’m talking to my mother through the dream about how we’ll buy a house in Africa, where everything is flatland. She suggests we build it out of earth, but I say, ‘We’ll just buy one, no need to bother.’ I see walls made of dry clay, arches... Then I wake up. A meadow — 'Wet' — it’s the name of village that once was my mother’s refuge, but it’s in the country I left behind and don’t wish to return to, not even my mother, near the apple tree. I’m lying down, still under the white blanket. I get up — around me, flatland, green grass, and next to me, I notice a snake: thick, but not large. As if it’s been waiting the whole time for a chance to bite me. It’s green. I tell my mother and add: ‘Hopefully it didn’t bite me while I was sleeping?’ She says: ‘You were probably well tucked under the blanket.’ I say: ‘Maybe it’s not venomous?’ And I think — maybe it was just waiting for me to die, to get weak, so it didn’t even bother wasting venom. She says: ‘That’s not true — you can see it bites other animals.’ She’s watching it from the edge of the house, while I’m still down there in the grass.

I will look into every purple shadow of dream, find you and swallow you, and we will become one.

Lucid=Safe

When I was a kid, I remember moments of needing to not be there, to vanish, to disappear in some way. This was in the period of my ten or twelve years. I would like to disappear for a moment. This could be the result of family problems, staying in bad situations, and wishing to disappear, with the background filled with the arguing words of my parents. When I would fall asleep, I would dream of a big monster close to the house, which I well knew not a monster  the house. This monster would come, and I would get scared and wake up, then fall asleep, and the same thing would happen until I told myself, 'Now I go to sleep, I will dream of him again and destroy him,' and it happened. After this situation, I would never  or very, very rarely, at least I don't remember  have scary dreams, and my dreams became lucid. Now, with lucid dreams, I found my safe spot, and dreaming became my escape from reality. I would start dreaming one dream, then teleport myself into another yes, like I say, teleport. I would just start dreaming another dream, which would be shaped in ways I wanted. Sometimes it would be hard to continue dreaming in this state, and sometimes it would be hard to wake up. I would feel I couldn't open my eyes. In my dreams, I would fly or do any crazy idea I had. All this dreaming would stop in my adolescent years because I would use let’s say it like this  my dreaming ability to transform my dreaming into pure sexual scenes, and this destroyed my lucid dreaming. Now I cannot remember, but when I think about this type of dreaming, I feel such a blissful emotion, which would occur in this state, a hot feeling close to my heart is the only way I can explain it. This non-existence state, which in my opinion is the best optimistic view one can take as an atheist, is the best thing that can happen to someone with atheistic views, and the best start for someone who is religious.Is speculative, but this state is the state we were feeling in the womb and which we will feel at the end.

When I cannot scream and the serpent is looking at me, I just teleport myself away.

Tired

I work every day, it is very rough. There were a lot of days when I was doing morning and night shifts, coming home at 1 or 2 in the morning hours, my mind floating in creative ideas. There is little time left because of work to pressure creative work.

My feets really hurt...

But this effect of being really tired will help me access faster my unconsciousness, and night painting before sleep will more appear in front of me like I was not person drawing it, like I was not. This process of exploration of unconsciousness create a lot of questions and emerge old memorys, it help so powerfuly in creation new unique ideas in all another part of my creative work.

Is very helpful way of expliration and art.

Yesterday I understood that I connect colors with life situations. A certain color will be connected with a certain memory or object from memory. Creating this color will bring me into my past instantly. I will be pulled into a cyclone of old memories, which will bring situations that are deep down in.

This process of letting your unconsciousness speak will certainly wake up your questioning rational voice, which needs to find logic and order in everything, so it will question your doing and maybe sometime will win and make you not fully sure  'Is what I'm doing something worth?' or 'Am I crazy?'  and multiple other questions which will doubt you. It is very important you don't fight with these questions; acknowledge them, but continue in the doing process you are doing. Answer is: I feel good doing it, so it is not important if it is good or not it's enough I feel good doing it.

Our mind is the deepest place I've ever seen, and sometimes I shake before opening its doors. The ocean floor is much brighter sometimes, and the Sahara Desert is much colder.

Exploring Consciousness

I haven't written on the blog for some time. A simple explanation would be that my mind jumps from one thing to another. Or maybe I just didn’t have anything to say — but I don’t think so. After I wrote and published the blog post Whisper of the Subconscious, I continued creating multiple paintings in the same style and developed an artistic movement, which I published on the blog. I’ve become fascinated with the idea of consciousness, and I’m exploring it till its deeps. Understanding it is crucial for developing any character which will do impact on this world.

My process is simple: brush my teeth, when I brush my teeths, I wash the brushes too, and then put emotion on the canvas. Every morning, beside my bed, appears a perfect picture which resembles my feelings. This way of exploring my consciousness brings me a better understanding of consciousness effect on our evry day life.

I will like to, in continuing text, give consciousness another concept of materialization or give it power by calling it "WORD".

In this moment, appears to me beginning energy which brings everything in existence can be equal with 'word'. This will explain why before coming to existence, every idea first needs to be existent in the 'word'. I don't understand how all of this is connected with collective consciousness, but there is no doubt 'word' has crucial part in creation of the same.

My exploration will continue, leading to a deeper and more refined understanding.

Knock, knock.

Whisper of the Subconscious

I find myself multiple times in my life drawing something on paper—weird shapes—and I will do it in times when I’m bored or waiting for something. When I’m writing something on paper but don’t have inspiration, I will mostly start drawing something which I can’t interpret. But drawing these weird shapes, and after looking, it will create some emotions.

After in my life, I will find Carl Jung and understand how our subconscious mind communicates with us. By auto-drawing, without the possibility to speak, our more creative part of the mind communicates with us through art.

Carl Jung: "The hands know how to solve a riddle with which the intellect has wrestled in vain."

After this revelation and others from the same subject, I decide to start drawing my subconscious ideas on paper. After doing it, I would like to point out it is a very good self-healing process, which can be considered a cousin of meditation.

This was the first painting that emerged.

There is something we still need to find out—something more powerful when we don’t have control. Something that guides us beyond the limits of this world can only be grasped without our conscious intervention.

This was the sketch drawing that inspired the painting above.

Society and Tree House

When we are kids, we construct—or if we are lucky enough, have someone in our family construct—house from wood, or if we are born in a place with snow, we make houses from snow, or use any other available material. I see this moment as very important. If a family member doesn’t build this house for you, you will try to do it with your friends. While it may seem like a "game," in reality, you are learning how to work with other kids. Sometimes, we don’t have anyone to help us construct this house, so we do it alone. This experience surely shapes our view of society.

You surely remember the moment you were in that little house. The time frame between that moment and the moment when you have your own house and life obligations is very short—a kind of preparation time. If we imagine this time as a form of currency, we will see that almost half of it is spent on school. The remaining 50% might be divided, if you are lucky, into 20% happy moments and 30% learning how cruel life can be. But within this time frame, I don’t see anyone or anything truly preparing us to become responsible men or women who will take care of multiple things in their families, have real morals, and make hard-working decisions.

This fast transition and lack of preparation often lead to the creation of weak men and women who are likely to try to escape marriage obligations and life responsibilities, possibly through the consumption of various opiates or simply through poor management of family life. This, in turn, creates a new cycle of people with the same attitude. Fortunately, understanding that you lack experience or knowledge in this subject is a step toward becoming a more responsible, society-helping person. Acknowledging this is a step toward changing the life you are in right now.

Hierarchy

Hierarchy—this word was important before and is still important today. No matter that we live in a strangely structured world, there is still rank, and people of higher hierarchical status. This hierarchy appears directly connected with our biology. If we look back to the time when people lived in slavery, which was not that long ago, it will show us that before people truly understood what love, support, and bravery mean, there is a big similarity between the two systems: slavery and the one we are living in now. There is just a different approach. Before, you were working for food; we are now working to get money to buy food. But this example is just partially true because before, you were getting beaten at your master's will, and now for someone to do this to you, it will be much more difficult, but not impossible, because the system is not perfect and 50 million people still live in modern slavery. Now, our system, which is Houdinistic (this word is invented by me to explain illusion; in the civilization structure we are living in right now, thinking that our civilization structure is perfect is just an illusion; the name comes from the popular illusionist Harry Houdini).

Now let’s explain why I think people before were more lovable, supportive, and brave. It is so powerful when I think that a man and woman who were slaves lived in the house of their master. The master would beat the man, but the woman would not care about the man's hierarchical status and would still be there for him, curing him, loving him, and supporting him. Of course, this is not the case every time, but this was something that happened. Now, if a man is lower in hierarchy by any means, the girl will rethink their relationship and might leave him. It’s not just that women change their attitude; sometimes the same master would rape and use women, and the same thing would happen: the man would continue to support the woman. Now, if that happens, the man will rethink their relationship and, in most cases, leave her.

But this don't put hierarchy in non inportant category of this time period  just people connection was structured in difirent maner.

Being good in life is not bad

First question when we say 'Is not bad to be good' is what is definition of good or bad? Or at least how this can be measured: how much something needs to be bad to be more bad than another, or what is it which or who gives definition of bad or good?

Seems like we can easily answer all these questions starting with what is the definition of good or bad.

We can imagine a kid who is three years old and put this kid in a situation in which he does something bad—let's say he breaks his mom's flower vase.

We can say by the expression of the kid that he knows very well destroying the vase was a bad thing to do, and you close the discussion right there and presume we already know the definition of good and bad from moment we are born.But this is totally wrong. The kid has this reaction because of his family's reaction, and breaking the vase will only be understood as something bad when the people around him give him pushback energy.
So, based on this example, we can presume bad or good is determined by pre-existing society members and is a collective decision about what the difference is between the two. This collective moral code progresses and changes by epoch, and in different places in the world, we have different ideas. An example of this is monogamy, which is spread in most countries, and polygamy, which is spread in Islamic culture and other parts of the world. Both societies think their approach to marriage or how men and women should make their connections is good. Doing monogamy in a polygamy country will be considered bad, and doing polygamy in a monogamy country will be considered bad.

So, who is right? No one.

Now we will get frustration by the reader, and a pure, hard-swallowing example is needed.

When we kill someone, is it bad?
Asking this question, we come right to the point and the conclusion of all we were talking about here.

Let’s try to simplify the answer as much as possible by giving an example.

Let’s imagine a world in which we have four people. Two of them are very attached to each other; the other two are the same. One day, one of them deci  des to kill one of the other two. First, we need to understand he can’t come to this thought because he never saw someone kill someone, so he doesn’t know it is possible.
But let’s say they are not the first people, and their mother died by the bite of a snake, so he knows if the person he hates gets bitten by a snake, they will die. So, he catches a snake, risking his life to delete another life, which is mostly the case, then lets the snake go when this one is sleeping, and the snake bites him. He dies. His friend wakes up and finds out he is dead, crying, feeling lost, screaming. Then the killer realizes he has done something bad, and there you go—bad is formed.

Or we can say our killer knew this was bad because when he lost his mother to a snake bite, he felt the same pain his victim's friend was feeling.

So simply, bad is determined by experiencing bad, which is over years implemented in our moral idea. The same is for good—the first time experiencing good determines this is good, and then it is implemented in a societal code which will preserve its idea about bad and good and evolve by time and change.

Effect of Language on Our General Knowledge

Many eons ago, there were people who built a tower in rebellion against God. Upon seeing this, God decided to curse them. From that moment on, they would all speak different languages.

Suddenly, this thought came to my mind: my current work gives me experience and the chance to have conversations with people of different nationalities. Based on these conversations, I came to the conclusion that people who know English have better general knowledge than those I've met who speak just one language.

It would be easy to conclude that people who speak more languages are simply more open-minded, but when you meet a person from Britain, for example, and a person from Italy, the person from Britain will have much better general knowledge about everything and will be capable of creating a much better flow in conversation. So, a person whose mother language is English and only knows English has a lot more information than a person from Italy who only knows Italian.

So, my assumption is that knowing English gives you access to more information and more knowledge, leading to a better general view of the world. Having better information or more information will lead to shaping your view better in all areas, better prediction of future happenings, etc. Or, in simple words, you will be in step with time.

In this writing, I will not talk about how different languages shape our brains in different ways and how every word is one feeling that is called upon when saying the word. So, when we do any type of translation, it can never be a good translation. It will be impossible for us to translate or transcribe feelings with different words because every word has a different feeling or a different sense. This heavily influences our brain and how we will think, as well as how much we will be able to think creatively. Knowing different languages can surely help, and all people who know different languages will tell you that when they speak one of them, they are different people in this language. But like I say, I will just touch on this but not talk about it in this writing. Let’s just conclude this thought with every language being both a savior and our own prison, like the idea of Orwell in the book 1984, in which they invent “newspeak,” a language in which it will be impossible to create any word that is unwanted by a tyrannical government. I'm not implying we are living in Orwell's tyrannical idea of the world, I just want to say our language, in principle, functions in the same way as newspeak, making it impossible for us to think outside of our brain's language program.

Every language has its own “doors.” Let’s say these doors are impossible to reach with another language. Knowing multiple languages gives you the possibility to open these thought “doors,” but that is it. I hope you now understand why I compare it to a prison.

This information I found on the internet doing research. Most of the research done on this subject confirms this claim: 46,736 academic journals are published worldwide every year, with over 75.04% of them published in the English language. If we take this as an example, for you to learn something accurate and current, you will need to know the English language. Chinese, which is on the rise, may surpass English. If that happens, for you to have accurate information, you will need to know Chinese.

I presume that what I’ve told you here most of you already know, and it’s nothing new. Maybe someone will be inspired and understand the importance of learning a new language, or perhaps just brainstorm some ideas that are not fully on the same subject I was writing about.

Empty your mind so there are no words, only images.

Halfemtifull

Let’s put it this way: life is sometimes one way, sometimes another. One day, you see a glass of water as half full; another day, you see it as half empty. But focus on the water—it’s always the same in that cup. Your value is always the same, too. It’s normal to sometimes doubt yourself. Do you think the great Michelangelo always fully believed in his sculpture of David? Of course, not every day, but he believed enough for David to be created. For normal living people who follow rules and believe in what society made them to believe, they will maybe call us CRAZY. They surely called Leonardo crazy when he was opening graves and taking dead bodies to look into their anatomy.

What is the meaning of the phrase "you are crazy"? Someone might think, I can have one glass made into a bulb, and there will be light in it. If you tell this to someone, they might call it crazy, but look—there is a light bulb in every part of your house. Or Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Seas, written by Jules Verne, where he invented Nautilus, which would be possible to be made with the same capability 30 years after he published the book.

Everything we imagine is alive because if it wasn’t alive, it wouldn’t be possible to imagine it. When I say this, I don’t want to sound like the usual person you see online, who says, You don’t have money because you don’t have the mentality of a person who has money, or Everything you imagine, you can have. What absurdity. Hello, dead man—you are not alive because you don’t have the mentality of a person who is alive. Don’t be ridiculous.

But everything we imagine is, in fact, a representation of something we can do or have. We are deeply connected with this energy, which can later be implemented in our reality. But just to make sure: existence in our neurons is existence in this reality. The process from idea to creation depends on matter, but if it is a personal goal or any objective you have, until you reach this objective, you will become something—and much more than you expected.

A very important truth I need to tell you is that when you win what you want, situations will not be the same. Things will change—sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. And when you hit the ball and the ball enters the hole, you will look for another one to put in the hole. You become addicted to winning.

Never saw an eagle caring about what chickens cluck.

Letter

6 December, the day when I was born. Today I will turn 29. I don’t find this day anything special, but before, surely when I was a kid, this day was very special, with family and neighbors all around me. From a kid’s eyes, the world seemed like a very nice and pleasant place where all treated you like a king or at least a prince. This safeguarding will surely influence my future character. But don’t fool yourself, for this king’s future will not be all like the first years of his life.

I would like to publish a letter here that is mailed to my future self.

To Barbarossa

Dear friend, I hope you didn’t lose the spark of kindness you had, believing in people. Sometimes believing can hurt and make you lose more and more faith.

I’m at work today; it is 7:33, and your mother is at home with the flu. Outside, it’s freezing, but I’m sure you remember this day, remember?

It’s a strange time; no one knows who you are… weird, no? Just the same as everyone else, another person without titles or shows going on.

I know you can’t answer me, and this is a one-way letter. I’m very happy that my sacrifices and work brought a better life for everyone in our family, and I’m proud of you for being able to defend this family. You are a fighter, and there was no possibility for you to lose. I am very respectful and admiring of everything you’ve done. What great work! Nothing comes without a price.

Still, remember where you came from and the importance of the person who was with you when you weren’t red. Surely there is plenty you would like to tell me, and if I knew this, maybe it would be possible to change something. But I think there is nothing you can’t do, so while writing this, maybe I’ll get an answer too, because for you, the word “impossible” never existed.

When you’ll get this letter, my friend, I don’t know, but in any case, it will be at a moment you need it.

Remember, Barbarossa, everything passes—people, pain, happiness—everything passes.

Continue to dream.

Your best friend,

Nemanja

Difference

Too much time in silence.

Silence is a teacher. 

You will never know if you speak without listening.

Isolation can be a gift. Non-copying another, being different,unique. Some people believe this, all which we call life, came from one organism, evolution, or a process in which something becomes different. We don't know the reason for this behavior. If this is true, your uniqueness can save us.

Some processes of evolution are just degradation. What about that? The answer is simple: having an organism evolve, degrade, or become something different is irrelevant because this organism cannot become its previous non-evolving one. Or in simple words, pretending not to be different and not pursuing difference will lead you to a wall, which will be the last thing you see until your last breath before you die. Sounds scary when we say it like this and makes us understand we need to be different.

Difference is an aspect you need to pursue. To do this requires courage and narcissistic belief in yourself or being a fool who doesn't think at all. Every aspect of these three is enough to pursue this, but it will be much more rewarding than you expect. Or you don't have another choice.

What does it mean to pursue difference?

Just being yourself, and believe me, I know how much this can sometimes be crazy. Our mind is a Luna Park, or if you have a mind like mine, it’s more like all the rivers in the world rushing so fast, and every drop of water is an idea, and every fish is a crazy thought. Behaving in the way you are will bring to you three types of criticizing people:

1. People who really love you and want you good: These are the ones who will sometimes try to explain why you are wrong. You have the option to listen and accept it or believe in yourself and pursue your idea. Pursuing the second option might lead to living with bad decisions, but they will be your decisions.

2. People who just don't understand you: They will only accept you doing something good when you get massive attraction and appreciation from other people in the world. Or, if you like to say it, when other people point out to them that you're doing something good. These people just live this way—for them, others make decisions.

3. People who are jealous: They are different but the last thing they see when they die is the wall. They don't have either one of the three types of characters needed to pursue being different, so they hate people who are different because it reminds them of what they could become if they just pursued their dreams.

Don't be afraid to watch yourself in the mirror. If you turn the mirror upside down, you will just see the wall.

I PUT MY HEART AND SOUL INTO MY WORK

What can we say? Not too much when we understand this blog is written 11/14/2024. Sometimes, we can fall into the trap of not believing in ourselves and thinking the world is not made in a way that will give us what we want, even though we've worked for it and done everything we can to achieve it. Sometimes, we are too hard on ourselves and think we can do more. This approach can sometimes push us to achieve more, but sometimes, it will melt your soul and turn it into the dust of disbelief in the process and in yourself.

And sometimes weird things can happen too when you are in a moment of starting to disbelieve or discourage yourself. Then something so absurd happens, which gives you belief back, and if you tell someone what brought your belief back, their answer will be, 'It's just a coincidence.'

Happened

I was working and found myself constantly thinking about starting my business, my ideas, and my self-rising process—becoming me, like you know me now.

Then, talking with a customer who used to come there regularly, he said:

"Don't worry, what you need to get, you will get.

 No one can steal it from you; it's written in some place."

I personally don't believe in "the future is written," but I didn’t need it, and the lightning strike of these words, which had no part in our conversation, struck me and gave me belief back. And of course, you will say, "Coincidence, you skeptic.

You are now seeing the person I’ve become and wondering if it's possible I don't believe in myself. Maybe, at the time you're reading this, it’s not possible for me to do it. Maybe I’ve just completely become the monster that pulsed in my chest since I was a kid. This brings us to why we have Vincent van Gogh's photo on this post. It’s not because I'm so obsessed with his art but because of his "quote"
Conor McGregor was the one who brought this Van Gogh quote to my mind from his video on YouTube, where he is discussing how he lost his mind in the process but is happy because his grand-grandchildren and family now have everything they ever need.

I put my heart and soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process.

Commentary on Don’t Look Up

Don't Look Up 

What a weird feeling this movie left me with. Big impression when I watched it the first time, and the second time I rewatched it again. Maybe someone will not agree with me and find this movie boring and too long. A typical reaction, I think, would be, 'Why did they make it 2 hours long? There was no need for it to be this long.' But the message this film carries—about human ignorance and self-destructive mentality, our system’s inefficiency, which will kill us in the end and save a small portion of the richest (in this case, equal with 'bad people')—is striking. For example, the scene where the president, who is female, is running to save her life but forgets her son, who is a 'materialistic bastard' but still a kid who believes in his mom and waits for her to come back. Or the behavior of humanity, who don’t believe in the existence of the meteor until it can be seen in the sky, and then, when a group tells them 'Don’t Look Up,' they believe and support this idea. This mirrors our society, which can be fooled even to ignore hunger or deny what’s right in front of them.

The movie is placed in the comedy section, where I would not put it at all; it’s more of a psychological movie.